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November 28, 2018

Olive Moments

Psycadelic Reset

I have recently been reset. Mentally and in turn emotionally too. Just over six weeks ago I took my first step into the world of LSD. This step was not taken for the trip, although I have always been curious about the experience which LSD provides.

I have always believed that if I am to have an opinion about anything, then, I need to form my own opinion, not just wearing someone else opinion that I deem to be acceptable.

This attitude has served me well, for the most part, I have tried so many things in my past, the only exception to my rule is… Addiction, I will never, could never allow myself to enter into an experience where I feel I could lose myself to a substance.

The two notable experiences which fall into this category are cocaine and heroin. My path has crossed these many times and although I am extremely curious, the destruction that the dependency creates in most who take it was and is more than enough for me to simply never allow myself to try. The only circumstances in which I could see me curiously trying these is if at the end of my time here I have some time to prepare, then, hell yes, and I look forward to that happening.

Up to the point of my trip, I had spent over four years accumulating knowledge about psychedelics. I didn’t set out to learn about the subject, far from it. Now though I feel as though my sub-conscience created a gravity to attract what I needed, sub-consciously because at the time I would have probably resisted the reality which was forming under the surface of me.
Critical mass was reached on May 24 2018. I received a notification from youtube that Joe Rogan was going live on his podcast with a guy called Michael Pollan, he was promoting his new book…
“How to change your mind”

His name instantly rang multiple bells in my head, I didn’t know of Michael Pollan, but, it turns out that two friends had mentioned him in the weeks a leading up to the podcast. I clicked on the link and watched and I listened with an increasing sense of knowing. By the end, I remember saying…
“I’m In”.

Why? Why was I in?

Michael Pollan has described the medicinal effects of psychedelic drugs in such a calm, rational, eloquent manner. It was impossible for me not to be influenced by the information he delivered. His style and manner seemed the opposite of Joe Rogan, not that this is a bad thing in any way. I loved the two opposing styles coming together in such a calm sharing mood.

After that podcast, I just knew, I don’t know why, but I just knew that this was going to be the solution to my problem. The problem that this was to solve was… Me.

Civil war…

I took my huge trip two days before my fifty-fifth birthday. I did this because I did not want to start another year of my life with the expectation that is would be in the same vein as the previous fifty-four years. in a constant state of civil war. I know now that I have been in a constant state of war between my head and my heart. This war had caused me to be confused and scared most of my life, this I was not aware of and even if I were, I would never have allowed my self to admit that I was scared.

I was hard, strong, I can cope with anything, nothing can break me, I can tolerate more than anyone else. This had become my super-power, and, it seems I had sought opportunities to use my power, not in a conscious state but certainly I had sought opportunities in a sub-conscience state.

What I had hoped for was the fix, not the high, but the correction, the reset.

So far everything and so much more has been the outcome of my small adventure. I believe that this is only the beginning of something very special. This path, this direction, this trajectory is one of ease, one of flow.

I know I have never been this version of me before, although I am frustrated at times at the length of time it has taken to get here… I feel eternally blessed that I am here at all.